“Runnin’” by Mi-shael
My initial thought was to apologize for my lateness, but I quickly corrected myself before writing further. I will no longer be apologizing for resting, for being quiet, for taking my time or for giving myself what I need. These last few months, I’ve been on the MOVE, I’ve been runnin’ again. Literally and metaphorically. Since my youth, I’ve always been athletic. Running was and is my favorite form of physical exercise. I could run a mile in 6-7 minutes, easy. I’d run, after track practice. Not because it was required, but because I needed the momentum. Hearing one foot land in front of the other, grounded me. Sitting for too long used to make me feel anxious. I’d feel stuck, I’d feel worthless, not free. What a shame, but I have so much compassion for that little girl, because they tricked us into believing that runnin’ ourselves into the ground for accolades, money and acceptance. Now, 2 months away from 27, I reflect on how I didn’t even realize all that I was running from. I just focused on where I was runnin’ to.
Take a moment and think about that.
I just recently read “Assata An Autobiography” by Assata Shakur with my book club Power to the Pages. Let me just say…you need to go read it. In Chapter 6, she’s speaking with a friend who tells her, “I ain’t no fool honey, and I been out in these streets long enough to know that you running from something…” No matter who we are, no matter where we come from, we’ve all been trying to escape something at some point in our lives. Although not physically visible now, for some of us anyway, our people’s chains are still heavy.
Looking back, I recognize that I spent so much time trying to get away from my past, away from poverty, away from painful and traumatic memories, and dysfunction. For a long time, I thought that running away from all of that, would lead me to liberation. To freedom, wealth and abundance. Well, I was running myself crazy, and into exhaustion. It wasn’t until recently that I understood, I’ll always be running if I don’t stop. I’ll have injuries if I don’t PAUSE. I will miss important moments and lessons, if I don’t REFLECT. STRETCH, my body and my mind. Change my direction, change my perspectives. I understand that in order to be delivered, I need to pace myself. Seeking console and counsel with my ancestors, God, my therapist and trusted kin, have been my greatest coaching sessions. Constantly reminding myself that I’m able to run in comradery when I need to, has protected me from severe isolation and panic.
We need restoration, nourishment, hydration and to feel the world around us in order to keep going. To connect and to pass the baton, because life is a marathon, and our resistance to these individualistic constructs is what will free us despite what we’ve been told.
Please feel free to email me at mi-shael@radicalwell-beingcenter.com with topics you desire to see reflected in our blog posts. Initially, all posts will be anonymous, except chosen stories of my own that I will share and submissions with requests to be disclosed. As my schedule persists, I intend to post weekly or biweekly. (Our whenever I’m able and feel called to.) Welcome to Truths of Our Hues.
Peace and with love,
Mi-shael
